I feel like I just had a moment of clarity. I guess they come and go. I have been extremely humbled recently in my realization that at my core, without Christ, I am nothing. So many times I have begun to believe that I am something special on my own, that I can stand alone outside of Jesus and be good enough, wise enough, loving enough, spiritual enough. That I can rely on my history, or my upbringing, or education, or experiences to “float my boat” and it will be enough to impact this world. I am wrong, so so wrong in my reliance on myself and the good in my past. I feel like God just said to me, if you want to follow me and move in power you must learn to be humble. That means that if you and I are not in a place where we are broken and unquestionably surrendered to Jesus knowing we can’t breathe another breath without Him, then we aren’t there yet. I felt like his voice was saying if you aren’t humble yet- do something that will humble you. Fail at something, put yourself out there for my glory, take a risk, take a chance, do something hard that there is a good chance you will fail at. Do it daily. Keep doing it for the rest of your life. Live in utter dependance on me. Do it so that you will never forget that in order to succeed in the kingdom of God you must first know and be comfortable in a place of the unknown. That’s when you will begin to see His kingdom come. So that can be a challenge to myself more than anyone. I believe we have become so comfortable in our American Christianity that we have lost the desire to move towards humility because we have bought into an idea that we don’t really need it. It has become a “nice thing” but not a necessity. True humility requires a daily sacrifice, it means living by Galatians 2:20 and going to that place in our own life at least daily, for some of us like me… possibly more than that.
Galatians 2:20 Says:
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live. But the life I do live I live by faith in the Son of God who not only loves me, but gave Himself for me.”
Here are a few questions I am currently considering:
1. What places, situations, and dependencies can i place myself in that will humble me? I mean REALLY humble me.
2. How can I make humility a habit?
3. How can i learn to pray scary prayers and not be afraid of humility. “Lord wreck my plans” “Father take the parts of me away that are unpleasing to you” “God break my addictions” “I submit to your will for my life Jesus” “Lord where you lead me, no matter what, I will follow”
These are the prayers that we don’t really want to pray and sometimes don’t really even want answered that we need to pray and we need answered to be a humble person. These are the people our God uses. God help us to run your race well, take the broken pieces and form your artwork out of us.